pyewacket68's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Where do I begin (again).....met a guy. Shayne. Not sure what will happen - don't hold much expectation for anything anymore. I just take it one day at a time. That is all I can do. He is nice, but started out even nicer if you know what I mean. I guess when the "chase" wears down it's not so exciting anymore. I don't really trust many people at all. I always end up seeing the selfishness of their ways and realise it boils down to "what is best for me, myself, and I"...bad philosophy to have but always the same thing! I've started writing again here. I'm doing this tonight cause I've been sick of my constant dialogue in my head. I need to get it out on paper - or in this case - virtual paper. I have to get more focused with my own life...stop waiting for it to change and make some change for myself. It's just so easy to fall into "dream land" and hope and pray for change that doesn't take much effort. Lol. Bad, bad, bad. I have not talked to Alan in many weeks. I wonder how he is? I did call Cristol - haven't talked to her in a while either. Yikes. Should call her now. I already left a message so hopefully she will call back soon. I am working this weekend (catering). I soooo need the money - big time. Life is just not getting any easier without an extra income. Funny how that works. I also need to get Lee into bed so that I can watch television and he gets a good night sleep so he's not a crank-pot in the morning...lately he's been really really good. I've pretty much realised that I'm not going to find my "married happy life" that I so envisioned. It doesn't seem to exist anymore, nor do I want to feel like I'm waiting around. I guess I have to come to terms with the fact that it "ain't a reality".....lol. I often wonder that if given the choice - money or love - what would I pick? I think at this stage of life - I'd definitely pick money. It would give me freedom and happiness....and peace of mind. Gotta run...(nowhere) but for now.... 7:29 p.m. - 2006-10-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||